I hereby give myself permission to make writing one of the priorities in my life.
If this is something I feel that God wants me to do, then why am I not doing it? This question was plaguing me quite a bit. I felt like I was failing at doing what I clearly felt lead to do, failing at not being able to make the time to write.
How pathetic! Of course, the fact that I tend to procrastinate doesn’t help things either. And how is it possible, that I could not manage to write for over a month or two? Why would I allow other seemingly more urgent and important things to take it’s place? Okay, and let’s not forget the exhaustion aspect of getting to the end of the day with nothing left to start up a creative spark. The excuses (and most times they are seriously valid) go on and on, the guilt of neglecting my family or missing out on key moments almost too much to bear!
The story about the servant who had his gift taken away from him and given to another because he did not do anything with it, hung over me as I considered my failures. You may think this is melodramatic, but these were the things I was thinking…and then, well, you know, we live in a fast-paced world, I have three kids and a husband to care for (which as any mom and wife knows, is a fulltime-job by itself), mix in work duties and all the other errands of day-to-day life and it can quickly swirl out of control. And let’s not forget my poor family still suffering from my inability to make breakfast everyday – fail, fail, fail. Now, I don’t have a bad self-image, I am not an insecure waif of a person. And I have a healthy understanding that God loves me and understands, so I was not suffering from any rejection issue or something like that, but tortured none-the-less just from the mere knowledge that it was not getting done.
(The fact that some stories just have to make it out there, is a topic for another day…)
However, REVELATION: Allowing the busyness of life to swallow me whole is something I get to control.
One of the most romantic gifts my husband has given me: ‘The Fringe Hours’ by Jessica N. Turner: Kent was essentially saying to me: make yourself a priority too…very romantic!
In her book, Jessica encourages women to recognize the things that they enjoy doing, the things that fulfill them, but mostly rejuvenate them. This is so specific to each person. These activities or ‘blocked off-times’ should not be seen as something to do if there is spare time at the end of a busy day, but rather, blocked into the day as an appointment with yourself…the result is a woman who will then respond to daily life from a place of peace and fulfillment, able to give and love better as a result. It was quite a profound realization that I owe it to myself, my family, friends, co-workers, to fill myself so I am able to give and love better!
And so, as a result of reading her book, I have given myself permission to write. I have started out with 2 hours, once a week, which leaves the rest of the week as time for the story to seep till the next sit-down.